Sinner Man
by Latona Enelra Caine
Summary: Who does Red turn to when his demons visit him in the darkness of the night? How does he get any light amongst the horrors that he sees in his business?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So guys, I'm back! This is a two shot here! I started writing this about a month ago, and couldn't have done it without the help of my wonderful friend, jackandsamforever! This is intended to be a Lizzington fic, so fair warning. Also, at the beginning of each chapter I write the name of a song that I imagine would fit this chapter. Nothing is mine. Just toying with them. **

_**Winter Light by Tim Finn**_

_It's always in the back of your mind  
When everything is dark, still something shines  
One chilly afternoon, you drew the blind_

The earth was frozen  
Ice upon the water  
All at once you saw her  
There in the Winter Light

**Sinner Man**

Red sipped his scotch and watched the city lights glow against the blue skyline. He loved this time of day; when daytime and nightfall met. The darkness and the light came together for a few brief moments each day-and he couldn't help but feel that the glorious sight before him accurately embodied him as a man-or monster as some would say...he would even go so far to say a ghost. His days were brightened by spending time trying to pursue some semblance of truth about his past. A clue, a hint about what had happened to his wife and child. Ironic as it was, wallowing in the past while working alongside Lizzie brought the light back to him. His life revolved around the Blacklist that he had created to be close to her. He wanted desperately to show her the truth about her world, her life, and the man that shared her bed.

"Raymond."

Red turned towards the familiar voice and breathed in hastily, breaking out of his musings.

"Yes?" Red replied.

"I've checked the perimeter and it's secure for now, but we're going to need to relocate further out after we return from our trip," Dembe told him quietly.

Red nodded and continued to watch the lights. Over eighty stories below, the hum of the late night traffic could still be heard. A life of normalcy that allowed one to take part in something so mundane as rush hour seemed so foreign to Red now. In his line of work it was easy to get around traffic if need be, so he never found himself in those situations. He sighed deeply as he pulled up the side of his mouth. "Go ahead and take the rest of the night off my friend. We leave for Scotland at six tomorrow. We'll need as much rest as possible if we're going to set up the house quickly."

"Very well. Good night Raymond. "

"Good night, Dembe."

He heard his retreating footsteps down the hall, then the sounds of the door opening and shutting.

This was his darkness. Left alone to his own devices with only his thoughts to keep him company; his demons would visit him in his sleep. It was a dangerous thing to be left alone with in darkness, especially for him. There was no telling what would happen. Tonight could be the night that he went on a whim and did something drastic.

R. R. R. R. R.

The moon streaked in through the slightly parted curtains. He had collapsed on the bed in his clothes, only pausing to remove his tie and vest. Sleep evaded him some nights; most nights he decided to evade it. Knowing that he was within darkness's grasp kept him from feeling the safety that the cool night could bring him.

R. R. R. R. R

_Everything is white. The ground, the trees, the very air in front of him. He tries to move, to run, to shout-anything. He needs to move! The desperation in his heart overwhelms him with the knowledge that no matter what, he will never get to them on time._

R. R. R. R. R.

His knuckles turn white reflecting the illusions of his mind as he clenches fistfuls of the beds sheets beneath him. His breath is coming out in short gasps. Nevertheless, in the darkness he is powerless.

R. R. R. R. R.

_There is blood everywhere. He does not understand what happened; he can't see them. He turns around glancing around the room. It's all red. He turns again. And again. And again. The room slowly spins. And all he can see is the blood._

R. R. R. R. R.

Sweat broke out on his brow as he gasped in anguish. A groan escaped his mouth through his clenched teeth as he pressed the side of his face against his pillow.

R. R. R. R. R.

_He watches as Tom Keen stands over Lizzie with a malicious glint in his eye. There is blood trailing down her face. She winces as Tom grabs fistfuls of her hair and blinks up at him in confusion. He watches as her eyes fall on him and watches him with sadness._

R. R. R. R. R

"No," he mumbles with a furrowed brow.

"No-o not her," he breathed out.

However, the darkness clouded his mind further.

R. R. R.R. R

_Curly hair brushes his face as he holds her small body against his chest. A high-pitched whistling sound fills his ears as he watches himself lift his face and roar a roar that he cannot hear. The side of his face stained with her blood._

R. R. R. R. R.

"God no!" His face contorts in pain as he thrashes around on the bed. A growl escapes him as he grits his teeth in agony.

R. R. R. R. R

Liz paused in front of the door before knocking. On any other night, she would not be here. However, on this night in particular, Cooper had decided that it would be a good idea wake her from some much needed sleep after working a case nonstop for two weeks. She had only stopped at her apartment four times to shower, change and perhaps rest for a couple of hours. Otherwise, she was only there to feed Hudson before rushing off to the post office again.

She stood at the front door of her much loathed charge. There was never a moments rest with this man who had all but consumed every aspect of her life. Her job. Even her fake marriage! Now here she was checking up on him after Aram had noticed that he was no longer on the radar. He'd shown her this particular penthouse several months ago when he had insisted in showing her the view of the skyline, declaring that it was the most magnificent one in D.C. As always, he had been right.

She knocked firmly on the door and waited for a response. None came. She thought that perhaps Red would still be up at this hour, or even Dembe; her assumption was obviously wrong.

Maybe Dembe didn't sleep in the apartment with him.

Liz looked around the dark hallway and saw one lonesome door several feet down from Red's door. Bingo. Liz hurried over and rapped loudly on the door, confident that this was the right door.

She waited a beat before the door opened to reveal the tall bodyguard looking awake and alert despite the ungodly hour.

"Agent Keen," he greeted her.

"Hi, Dembe," she smiled apologetically. It was not the man's fault that Red was such a pain in the ass. "Red disappeared off the grid, and Cooper sent me over to check on him," she explained.

He nodded in understanding. "I believe he's resting right now."

"Do you mind if I speak to him for a minute? It won't take long."

He hesitated for a moment before nodding once more. Shutting the door behind him, he led her back to the penthouse door and punched in a code, which unlocked the door with a faint beep.

"Thanks, I'll call you if we need anything. I hope you can get back to sleep," Liz told him.

The corners of his lips rose up slightly. "Good night Miss Keen."

"Night, Dembe," she said before hurrying in and locking the door behind her. Working with Red these past several months had taught her that any hour was a good hour for his adversaries to strike; they had no respect for the sleep deprived.

She quietly ventured further into the large penthouse and took in the stylish furnishings illuminated by a large window wall along the living area. The area was wide and spacious, giving Liz the impression that the decorator had tried to give the place a modern vibe completely contrasting what she took to be Red's more old fashioned tastes. She was just about to flick on the nearest light switch when she heard a hoarse groan. She froze in place, certain that she was hearing things. Then she heard it again.

"No," a loud but muffled voice said. "Kill me!"

"Red?" She called out bewildered. A gravelly moan resonated down the hall in reply, and she quickly rushed towards the source.

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**Reviews are very welcome!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Stay**

**Use Somebody by Scala and Kolacny Brothers **

_**You know that I could use somebody **_  
_**You know that I could use somebody **_

**_Someone like you_**

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_His heart is pounding in his ears. His hand begins to tremble with the vice like grip he has on the gun. There is a grey tint to the room around him, and he tilts his head at the sight before him. His lays wife on the floor with blood pooling beneath her._

_The pounding in his head makes him dizzy. He feels himself collapse against the wall, and out of the corner of her eye sees his little girl with blood surrounding her small body; killed by his own hand._

_It's his fault. He wants to die. He killed them. He was too late._

_"Red?"_

_He snaps his head towards the voice. Lizzie. Blood. Blood on her face._

_Blood everywhere._

_Her mouth moves. "Why, Red?"_

_He shakes his head firmly. His mouth moves but no sound comes out._

_"No."_

R. R. R. R. R.

"No!" He roared as he thrashed around with soaked bed sheets wrapped around his waist.

She rushed over to the bedside and tried to pry his arm away from under the tangled bed sheet. Liz could hear pleas interspersed amongst his shouts and mutterings.

"God-please-." His mutterings were frantic as he begged some invisible being to bestow some semblance of mercy onto him. "Kill me!"

She was afraid that he would injure himself with the amount of force that he was thrashing about the bed with. Without further thought, Liz grabbed his shoulder gently and tried to shake him awake.

"Red!" She said in a calm but wavering voice in the hopes that it would at the very least soothe him.

However, this only served to drive him further into the nightmare. He grabbed her wrists in a painful grip and she nearly fell on top of his chest as he knocked her off balance.

"Red! You need to wake up!" She said in alarm.

"Liz-Lizzie!"

"Red!"

Green eyes met blue ones as his eyes snapped wide open. Red nearly pushed her off of the bed as he tried to sit up without warning, but held her tightly by her arms as he pulled her towards a cascading strip of moonlight. He breathed in heavily as tried to get his bearings.

"Lizzie?"

She watched as recognition dawned on his face.

"It's me, Red," she replied, feeling slightly unsettled at seeing him in this state. The usually neutral and stoic man now sat before her peering blearily at her with sweat soaking through his wrinkled and unbuttoned dress shirt.

With shaking hands, he reached up towards her face running his fingertips down her cheeks. He sighed in relief when he saw that she was not another part of his frenzy-fueled nightmare.

"Red, are you all right?"

Red shook his head slightly in response and clenched his eyes shut, then took another shuddering breath before enveloping her in his arms.

"No...No I'm not," he said against the nape of her neck. He felt a wave of calm come over him when he inhaled her sweet raspberry scent.

Liz was taken aback by his sudden display of emotion. Raymond Reddington did not seem to be a man who had trouble sleeping at night. For all his airs and graces, he appeared to be the most nonchalant man in the world, completely unaffected by the atrocities that he witnessed during his business interactions.

She was his life raft amongst the raging storm around them. The light at the end of the dark tunnel.

A knock at the door made Liz reluctantly pull away from him. She gave him a wary once over before getting up and going to the door.

Red fell against the pillow and ran a hand down the front of his dress shirt. He groaned in annoyance when he felt the damp material against his hand. He unbuttoned a few of the buttons, and peeled the material off his chest. He listened as Lizzie opened the door and Dembe's smooth voice quietly filled the room. "Miss Keen is everything all right? I heard screaming from my apartment."

"Everything's fine Dembe," she gazed at him over her shoulder where he lay. "We were just having a bit of a disagreement."

"If you need anything-"

"-I'll call don't worry. Thanks."

"Good night, Miss Keen."

"Night, Dembe."

Red heard the door shut and he watched as her silhouette came into view amongst the moonlight once more. She watched him with an uncertain expression, as if waiting for him to burst into tears at any moment's notice.

He sat up and leaned against the headboard trying to slow his racing heart, keeping his eyes on her the whole time.

"Do you want some water?" She asked.

He laughed lightly and grabbed the glass of scotch on his nightstand. "No thank you Lizzie. I've an excellent remedy for night terrors right here." She rolled her eyes, but then studied him closer when she noticed his hand trembling, causing the amber liquid to slosh around in the glass. He didn't seem to notice her gaze as he downed half of the glass in one swallow.

Liz noticed that the thin sheen of sweat lining his forehead was slowly trickling down the side of his temple. She looked around the room, straining her eyes against the darkness in search of a towel. When she didn't see one, she made her way through the darkness into the bathroom. She grabbed hold of one of the handy towels and ran it under the faucet of cool water, then made her way back out. She stood in the doorway for a moment and watched him as he laid in the bed with a glazed look in his eyes as he stared out of the large window that took up the whole wall. The moonlight cast a soft glow over his features, making him look all the more vulnerable in her eyes.

She went to him and sat on the bed beside him. He looked at her with heavy eyelids and gave her a faint smile. She shook her head at him with a small smile of her own and pressed to cool towel against his forehead wiping at the perspiration there. He stilled her movements with his hand and grabbed her gently by the wrist, then took the towel from her fingers and set it aside on the nightstand.

Was she really here? How many times had he fantasized of having her in his room? In his bed? Countless times he had longed for the warmth of another human being to hold him after the nightmares; after the memories that came back to haunt him in the night. The sins he had committed in his life as The Concierge of Crime visited him in the shape of those monsters that stalked him in his sleep. Red could count on one hand how many times Luli had witnessed this part of him. He would sometimes wake up screaming at ghosts that were not there after one of their nights spent getting drunk and playing strip chess; and once or twice, he had let her in.

But _she _was here. Right here in front of him. Safe and sound. God how he wanted to show her exactly how much he cared for her. She had chased the demons away. Red felt as if his spirit had been cleansed of his sin. His light….

"I thought I'd lost you Lizzie," he said. His voice rumbled through his chest as he let out a shuddering breath and ran his trembling hands through her hair.

Liz felt overwhelmed by the affection he was showing for her. The mask was finally breaking, and the real man was being unveiled. She laid her head on the pillow next to his head and faced him. His gray eyes were illuminated by the moonlight and he watched her in an almost pleading way. As if he was begging her not to leave him like so many others had in the past. Liz ran her hand down the side of his face, running her fingers through his short cropped hair and feeling his smooth warm skin. He shut his eyes, overwhelmed by her touch.

"Don't," he whispered in a hoarse voice.

Liz began pulling her hand away, confused, before he grabbed her hand in a firm grip keeping it on his face. "Don't what?" She asked softly.

He shook his head and clenched his eyes shut. "Don't go...," he said in a stronger tone.

Liz felt her heart drop at his words. No amount of profiling or intel from the F.B.I would have revealed the most obvious fact about Raymond Reddington. Above everything, he was nothing but a man. A human being capable of love, compassion, and pain.

Red buried his face in her neck breathing her in, allowing her to fill his senses and make the hurt leave his body like a breath of fresh air. He felt her hands run soothing circles across his back. He sighed in pleasure. She was here. She was real. He wrapped his arms around her tighter and pressed his lips against the nape of her neck, letting them linger there for a moment.

She ran her hands up his back and held his head there against her. "Don't worry Raymond," she sighed against his ear, "Don't worry…I'll stay…."

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**Thanks to all of you lovely people who read and reviewed, you guys are the best! I ope you guy enjoyed it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**And here is the last chapter! Thanks to 1001 Characters, lknopp and Jackandsamforever! I couldn't have done this without them! **

**Wonderwall by Bryan Adams**

_Because maybe  
You're gonna be the one that saves me  
And after all  
You're my wonderwall_

**Better Angels**

When he opened his eyes his head exploded in pain.

"Oh!" He groaned, pressing his fingers to his temples and sliding his leg up on the bed. He was feeling death; he was certain of it. "Good Lord!" He exclaimed when he opened his eyes once more and saw the blinding morning light coming in through the wall window in along the side of his room. He groaned in pain, the reflections being given off by the building across the street were not helping the blinding pain he felt.

He wasn't certain whether it had been the exuberant amounts of alcohol he had consumed, or that he had screamed his head off last night, but he was certain this pain was a direct result of last night's little debacle with Lizzie... Lizzie!

Red sat up quickly sending a wave of dizziness up his body. He ignored the urge to vomit the contents of his stomach out on the bedroom floor, and scanned the empty room. Where was she?

With a sigh, Red flopped back on the bed, moaning when the movement sent more pain across the back of his head. He must have scared her away with all of his screaming and haunted looks.  
Of course he had. Just like everyone else, she'd seen his true side and had been repulsed by what she'd seen. He couldn't say he'd blamed her. He was just an empty shell of the man he had once been. Lizzie deserved so much more than a wanted criminal who couldn't share the burdens of his pain, nor allow any happiness into his heart.

But then again, wasn't that exactly what he had done the night before? She'd come to him, comforting him with her presence, and she'd brought the light with her; a bright, shining light that he hadn't allowed himself to be near since his wife and daughter.

"Morning," Lizzie's voice startled him out of his musings. She smiled softly at him as she walked over to him and sat beside him on the edge of the bed. She handed him a glass of water and three aspirin.

"Lizzie." He smiled at her as he took a sip of the water and then grabbed the pills from her palm and dry swallowed them.

He tried to mask his surprise at seeing her here, but knew that he must be grinning like a complete fool.  
Suddenly the events of the last few hours came rushing back to him like a horror film. The yelling, the desperation she must have seen on his face, the weakness; he felt a surge of embarrassment at the memories.

Liz watched as a play of emotions ran through his face until finally he simply stared across the room blankly; shutting her, and the rest of the world out as he wallowed in his pain alone. Red Reddington was by no means a weak man, but she had seen the human, the vulnerable state his past could leave him in. Naturally, a man with his inflated ego would see it as weakness.

Liz shook her head as she placed a hand on his leg. He didn't stir or look her way.

"Stop it," she chided him gently.

"Stop what, Lizzie?" He asked in a dull voice, which told her that he was fully aware what she was referring to.

"Stop closing me out. There's no reason to. We all have those nights-where-" She paused and waited for him to return his gaze back to her.

"Where what?"

"Where we feel like all of the ugly, evil things are going to consume us, and chain us to the dream. Like if the nightmare will never let go of us." She told him.

Red watched her with a thoughtful look and quirked his lips up slightly. He bit the side of his lip and nodded.

"Why did you stay?" He asked. "Not that I don't enjoy waking up to the sight of you." He joked. "But still, you didn't need to."

"I thought you'd have a bit of a hangover when I saw the empty scotch bottle in the living room." She gave him a wry smile as she watched him grin mischievously.

"Just enjoying the small pleasures in life while I still can," He told her. He watched her as she held his steady gaze with serene eyes. He held his hand out to her and she took it, allowing him to pull her over to him. She looked a bit unsure of herself when he began moving her thighs over him, but relaxed when he simply settled her to rest there on top of him.

She looked at him expectantly. Red stared right back with bright eyes, and chuckled softly when she didn't avert her gaze, a smile creeping back onto her lips.

"Lizzie." He ran his hand down her cheek feeling her perfect, smooth skin beneath his own, leaving his fingertips tingling. "I want to tell you how grateful I am to you for staying with me after all of that. Not many people know what I struggle with at night. That's when I am most vulnerable to the ghosts of my past...and some of the angels of my...present." He set his hands on her shoulders studying her reaction.

"Angels of your present?" She raised her eyebrow slightly and grinned.

Red chuckled. "Yes. You...are saving this sinner man's soul."

He intertwined their fingers together and pushed their hands under his unbuttoned shirt to where his heart was. She pressed her fingers softly against his skin and laid her hand flat against his heart as he laid his own hand on top of her slender one.

"This heart and this soul, beats and lives only for you. To love you and protect you from any harm that may come your way. To show you the world and to cherish you. My tainted heart is yours, Lizzie. And you've saved it."

Liz smiled at him and ran her hand over his cropped hair, to the back of his neck. She pressed her forehead against his and looked at the golden flecks in his eyes. "I think we're saving each other, Red," she murmured. "I'd still be tied down to someone who didn't love me if it weren't for you, and I wouldn't have anyone to care for or love if it weren't for you. I'd have no one left in the world," She whispered.

He breathed in deeply, inhaling her sweet scent, and buried his nose in her neck. She stroked the back of his head lovingly.

"Have I told you...that everything will be alright?" She said into his ear, sending shivers up his spine. He pulled back from her and pressed his head against hers once more, smiling at her words.

"Everything will be alright." She grinned at him as he leaned in towards her. She leaned back slightly, pulling him with her as she clung to his neck.

Red growled teasingly, and then swiftly captured her lips with his own. He felt her smile against his mouth as she pushed against his lips with her tongue, demanding entrance. A chuckle rumbled through his chest when she bit against his closed lips. At that, he allowed her entrance and moaned as she sought to explore him further. Finally, the need for oxygen became too much and both reluctantly pulled apart at the same time, gasping for air. They pressed their heads together once more, enjoying this intimate moment.

"Lizzie," Red murmured drowsily.

"Hmm?"

"I think you made my headache go away just now..."

They burst out laughing together. She pushed against him until they were both settled back against the bed. She stretched her body across his own and settled her hands and chin on top of his chest. He smiled up at her running his fingers through her smooth locks.

"I love you, Lizzie."

"I love you too, Red."

**The End**

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**A/N 2: Thanks to all of you who read and reviewed! Your support is really encouraging! Hopefully I'll be able to cough up another one of theses sometime soon! **


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